Quit the guilt!

As a mom of four, I have done it all! stay at home mom, work at home mom, working outside the home and now a combo of working in and out of the home. If you have guilt about the work choices you have made STOP!

I will never forget driving to work when my twins were my only children at age 2.  I had just gotten a phone call that yet another babysitter needed to stop working for us.  I started bawling, asking myself if I was meant to stay home with my kids. At that time, maybe I was, but not at every phase of my kids lives have I felt that way.

As I drove to work today, I was thinking about missing my sons last post season football game.  I was bummed, and then immediately thought about how lucky my kids are that they have a dad that can “handle”  the outings, sporting events, diaper bags and strollers. Does it make you crazy when your kids always ask you for help or to answer questions when dad is right there? It does me!! I love being there for my kids (the big kids never need a sitter because of how I work my nursing job), but I also love that sometimes its just them and dad. They learn to deal without me and work out the kinks in the dynamics of their dad/kiddo relationships.

My husband is amazing, don’t get me wrong, but could any hubby get the job done if they were given the opportunity? It cracks me up to hear women say “my husband could never do ….” We started off with two at a time so it was all hands on deck! None of us is trained in parenting, but we get better with practice right?

How about the amazing friend and business partner I have found in my little girls babysitter.  My girls love the friends that they have at Mrs. Holly’s, they learn a lot and they go on outings to the gym and the church every week. Best of all, they have another strong women to look up too that loves them, not because she has to, but  because she wants to. I promise my girls do not miss me while I’m gone!  the 10-20 hours a week with a babysitter is priceless.

One way that we are able to juggle the chaos that is our life, is by sharing responsibilities, talking about money with the kids and cutting out stuff that just isn’t important in the scheme of things. My kids have chores that rotate weekly, they have since they were about 4. For doing their chores, they get an allowance that they have to save a portion of. They appreciate that I work for my money just like they do. I don’t feel guilty about telling my kids, “if we chose to spend our money on that, I may have to work more/be gone more to cover it.” I think I puts into perspective the value of money and the value of our time together. I have no guilt about that!

so the next time you feel guilty about a choice you have made as a mom; be it work, punishment, saying no… think about the benefit and not the GUILT!

 

What a waste of time that was…

If you looked at your day in retrospect, what would you say was a misuse of your time?  Have you ever even thought about it?  I have been feeling convicted of “time abuse”  lately, so I find myself considering just this. I have a lot of things to juggle, but I am confident that it can all be done in a day if I am intentional and focused. Am I running my day, or is my day running me?

This is in no way meant to be critical or judgmental, however I hear a lot about “not having enough time” for one thing or another. Like I mentioned before, I am transitioning to more balance as well. consider these time stealers and how much time they get from you.

*Watching TV. most people do it, but are you intentional about it?  I don’t mean multitasking and not being “in the moment,” My hubby loves to snuggle on the couch and swap back rubs, this I consider intentional use of TV watching.

*social media. I am on it every day, and by no means am I suggesting you stop. however, do you know what everybody is doing for dinner, who’s kids are sick and what the latest celebrity gossip is…up to the minute?! then perhaps you check in a little too often. Just sayin!

*cooking. Don’t get me wrong, its important to eat at home and eat clean. have you ever considered meal prep? you can cook a bunch of meals in one day, or cook double batches at a time (one to eat and one to freeze). note to remember, if you can by it frozen, you can freeze it too! also, school/work lunches can be prepped on Sunday for the whole week!

*cleaning. I’m not suggesting you hire a maid, but how about your children?  If you pay them to do chores around the house its a win win!  My kids get $5 a week for their completed chores. the stipulation, they MUST put $3 of it in a savings account and junk food can not be bought with it. money management lesson and I don’t have to do dishes.

Do you work from home to be home with your kids?  I know that is why most of us add a home based business to the mix.  It is important to be “at work” during work time and “at home” during family time.  You do not need to be available 24/7!  You are not really home with your kids if you are on the phone, at the computer, or responding to messages/emails.

 

Remember mama’s, we are all a work in progress!  I am working every day to become better in all my roles, and even more so at balancing them!

Advice from the ring leader…

We all have the same amount of hours in a day, it’s all about how to make the most of them! I have never taken a college class on time management, however I juggle a three ring circus everyday with what I would consider a successful outcome. 🙂 here are a few tips I can share that I utilize to make our family run smoothly.

First and foremost, what matters to me may not matter to you, and vice versa. Don’t try to keep up with the jones’s! If your heart isn’t in it your secrets out anyway. If you don’t want to join the PTA, volunteer at church or decorate your yard for the holidays…..don’t to it. I would be willing to bet nobody will notice.

Second, Stay one step ahead! I am always thinking…

-“what can I do now to save time later?”
*wash and cut all your veggies when you get home from the store (eggs, salad toppings, snacks etc.)
* cook a whole bag of chicken on Sunday and use it for a quick protein source during the week. Cook up all of your ground meat, divide it into dinner portions and customize it to each meal the day you plan to eat it.
* kids lunches: I have two in school and two at home, but I make all their lunches as if they were not eating at home. This makes lunchtime with the littles quick and easy. Also, if your have enough lunch containers you can make a few days lunches at one time.

“How can I do double duty?”
*If you are standing at the stove, use all four burners 🙂 ie: boil eggs to have on hand while you make tonight’s dinner, Cook up tomorrow’s rice/quieno.
*if your kiddos are running around at the park, get creative with the monkey bars/benches to get some strength training in. While you are at it, run/walk to the park instead of driving :). A jogging stroller can be a fit mom’s best friend!

“Who else can do this instead if me?”
* if they can walk, your kids are old enough to do chores! Free labor 🙂
My three year olds jobs: pick up toys from the floor, put sorted laundry in designated drawer, put dishes in the sink from the table, pick her clothes
My eight year olds chores: load/unload dish washer, clean bathroom sinks, take garbage out/to the curb, put laundry away, feed the dog.
* can you join forces with other moms to carpool?

Finally, and maybe most important, schedule it! If you are like me others needs tend to come first…and that mothers guilt! If you write it down and plan accordingly, it is easier to make it happen. “Think of a workout (or whatever you need to get done) as a meeting you have scheduled with yourself, you wouldn’t cancel a meeting with your boss.” 🙂 I heard that once, and it is so true!

Coming from a mom of four, full time ER RN, fitness coach and wife…it will all work out! It is not always easy, not always pretty, but this “mom of a fit family” thing didn’t come with a job description or a guidebook so with help from other moms we will get it done!